Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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