I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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