yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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