i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize