Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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