We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
