im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
