i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
