i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize