Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
