we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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