I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize