Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize