Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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