I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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