Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just pee around me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
