did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
