dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
