So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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