If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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