Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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