i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
