I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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