Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
