i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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