talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
