FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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