Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
