i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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