Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
