A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
