margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just tell him i said nine months
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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