Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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