I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I believe in your delicious
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
