I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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