i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
