as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
