Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize