I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
