my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
