I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
