As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
