What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
