We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
