shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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