gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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