those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
