Cold hands, warm shart.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
