Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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