Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
