Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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