Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
