the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
