I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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