whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
