are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
