he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
