if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
