I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize