I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
