I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
