As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
