Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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