I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
