if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im holly from the hills drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
