it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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