the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize