every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
