what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
