I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
