Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
