So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
