there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
