It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
