erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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