The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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