By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't think brook has ever known best
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
