so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
