John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
