We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
