Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
