do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
