Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my shit smells like andre
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
