so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In America we eat man semen.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
