the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
