i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
