Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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