i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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