i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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