I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
