woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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