I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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