Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
